Since my new book launched in January, I’ve sent out 273 complimentary copies. I know for a fact that at least four of those books were delivered.
These books were not sent out unsolicited to a random list of people I was hoping to engage, but rather to clients, prospective clients, major media contacts, and close colleagues who requested them. Each received a personalized, autographed hard cover book accompanied by a hand-written postcard. Reviving Work Ethic retails for $24.95, and even at wholesale, my out-of-pocket costs per book exceeds $13 per copy, not including my time in the process.
With few exceptions, the executive-level decision makers who asked for a copy of my book did so in consideration of A) hiring me as a speaker for their company or organization; B) buying the book in bulk quantities for leaders in their organization; and/or C) excerpting the material for an article or story in a national publication. Some of these things have occurred, and that’s great for business. But business aside, it’s what didn’t happen that reveals the nature of our society.
Of the 273 copies sent out, only four recipients have made any attempt to contact me to say ‘thank you’. That means less than .01% of those who requested and subsequently received a complimentary, autographed hardcover book directly from the author called, wrote, or even emailed a simple, “Got it. Thanks!” acknowledgement. (And without looking at my spreadsheets, I can tell you who those four people are and also recite most of the names of those who haven’t bothered to acknowledge receiving the book.)
I relayed this to several author/speaker colleagues of mine and each shared very similar tales. Doesn’t make it any easier to comprehend or swallow.
I feel fortunate to have been raised by parents who made sure I knew the importance of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Within 24 hours of receiving any kind of gift from a friend or relative, mom stood over me and made sure I wrote a personalized thank you note. She made sure that I understood that “Uncle Fred and Aunt Jean didn’t owe you that pair of pajamas,” and that sending a kind, warm personal note of gratitude to them was something I should take great pride in doing.
Today, saying ‘thanks’ is so much a part of my DNA that I have a hard time understanding those who don’t.
“I GUESS I’M SUPPOSED TO SAY THANKS OR SOMETHING…”
My wife and I drove an hour to the other side of town to attend a graduation party for the daughter of one of my colleagues this past spring. We gave her a nice graduation card and enclosed a $100 VISA gift card. A month later, we got an eleven-word note that said “Thanks for coming to my party and for the gift.” Sasha. (Sasha probably didn’t even remember what gift we gave, but figured if we did give a gift, this would cover her.)
The bad news for all of us is that the world is growing colder, more self-centered and less caring, and common courtesy is no longer common.
The good news is that if you want to be unforgettable and endear yourself to clients, customers, and coworkers, or if you just want to do your momma proud, it doesn’t take much to stand out from the crowd.
Reflect on the events of the past several days and ask yourself who went out of their way to make your life easier or better. Then ask yourself if those people have felt your gratitude, or your entitlement?
You’ve hit the nail on the head: gratitude expressed seems to be a dying art form. Even simple acknowledgement (not the same but a step closer than doing nothing) is pretty rare. The telling part of your article is that all the recipients of your book raised their hand and said, “Yes, I’d like a copy.” You didn’t mail them out to strangers, unsolicited.
I think it is part of a bigger issue: the demise of civility. Bad behavior is glorified on reality shows and what once disgusted is now digested as entertainment.
And when someone speaks out about this lack of civility, manners, gratitude or other important concepts, they often get shouted down (ironically by the perpetuators of the bad behavior).
The daughter of a couple who are close friends of our’s graduated from high school. We gave her a gift. Several days later we not only got a carefully handwritten note, but it included appreciation not just for the money but for the support we’d given her over the years. It was truly touching.
This counterpoint is an example of two things in my view: good parenting and a young person of character. While this young woman may be in the minority, she should give us all hope.
I am saddened to say that I must agree with you. Not sad because it’s unusual to agree with YOU. I like agreeing with you. I’m sad that I will add another abominable example. In my work, 90% of my speeches, consulting, and book signings are paid appearances. The other 10% of my programs are happily done for churches…for FREE. I believe in their ministry causes and I am thrilled when I am called to serve. Again, I am not paid. I don’t do it for political reasons. I just provide my services because I am asked to help out. However, in the many, many instances where I’ve volunteered my time, energy, expertise, or $$…I have only once received a ‘thank you.’ Just once. I suppose the argument could be made, “Well, this is ministry and you SHOULD do it without any expectations.” I don’t expect a parade of gratitude. My expectations only extend to the level of common courtesy. A tiny email. A scribbled note. A short voicemail. Anything that even acknowledged that I showed up. Am I being unrealistic in my “demands?”