My last day of teaching high school and coaching football was June 3, 1986.
Due to declining enrollment of the school district where I was employed, my position was being eliminated.
I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back, I think I escaped just before the Apocalypse.
Back then, I never feared parental retribution by giving a student a bad grade or by getting up in a player’s facemask and yelling “Dammit Johnson, you’re not giving 100%!”
In all but a few isolated cases, parents saw me as an ally in their child’s overall development and often would want to meet with me to strategize a plan for supporting my efforts on the home front.
It was even more stringent than that when I was a kid. I would tremble whenever a teacher called my house. Not once did my folks ever ask to hear “my side of the story.” If that call came in, my entire world suddenly turned upside down.
But Lordy, have things changed since the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.
Many of my former colleagues who remained in education have put in their 30 years and are now retiring en masse. The stories they lament about their confrontations with parents, along with those shared by the many educators and administrators that I’ve interacted with at staff development and teacher inservices over the years, are deeply disturbing and a threat to our stability as a society. And if you think I’m being over-dramatic, you need to go visit your local school and talk to some teachers, or better, listen to them.
The ‘not my child!’ syndrome is pandemic. Rather than students fearing a call home from their teachers, today’s teachers, coaches, and even the managers of teen employees dread making those calls as parents are no longer viewed as allies, but rather as adversaries.
Many helicopter parents are so desperate to ensure their children are succeeding during their youth that they are virtually guaranteeing their failure after they leave home and go out into the real world.
This cartoon by Daryl Cagle is so dead-on accurate it’s alarming.
Is there Any Way to Reverse this Trend?
Although no individual can right the ship, each of us has the power to make a difference. Here are a few things you can do that will create a positive impact and have a ripple effect beyond what you may think possible:
1. Be unbiasedly introspective. If you’re a parent, ask yourself if you’re so hellbent on your kid getting a good grade or being the starting goalie that you’ve gone to battle for them when you should have butted out. The lessons that they can learn from the natural consequences of their failures will unlock for them the secrets to succeeding in their future endeavors. Even if their coach or teacher appears to be unfairly hard on your child, pause and step back. There’s a mighty powerful moral to that story that your kid needs to discover on their own.
2. Don’t fear the reaper. If you are an educator, coach, counselor, or even an employer of young talent, don’t be afraid to call home. Granted, you may be greeted with the typical ‘not my kid’ response, so have a plan in place. But don’t assume that your call won’t have some kind of an impact. You may get lucky and speak to a parent like I or you had, in which case, you’ll have the ally you need to correct the behavior immediately. And even if you don’t, you may have planted an important seed that will grow to demand attention when others call home and report similar issues.
3. Thank a teacher. If you’ve never taken time to look up an old teacher who had a measurable impact on you just to say ‘thanks’, then make the effort to do so. Nothing can be as satisfying for you – or as life-affirming for them – as to realize that their influence made you a better person and that you think of them often. And if you can’t find one of your former teachers, pay it forward. Stop by the closest school to your home or office, ask permission to visit the teachers lounge, and simply tell a teacher or two the story of how thankful you are for the educators who touched your life, and warmly thank them for their commitment to young lives. Remember what the great philosopher Anonymous once said “Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible.”
************************************
I recited this poem during my eulogy for Mr. Brent Davies in 2004. To this day, that was the most difficult speech I have ever delivered. Mr. Davies, who died unexpectedly at age 57, was a teacher that made a huge impact on countless wayward and confused teens just like me.
I’m Glad I Chose to Work with Teens by Eric Chester
I could have chosen a glamor job where the spotlight was on me.
I could have climbed the corporate ladder and been a captain of industry
I could be working in a giant high rise, with a corner office and scenic views,
or in a lab with the world awaiting the latest word of my breakthroughs.
I could have chose an ‘esteemed’ career – considered a ‘professional’ by all
where respect and praise came as easily as for those who play pro ball.
But me, I heard another call… faint whispers from the ‘in-betweens’
I could have turned and walked away — but instead I chose to work with teens.
For it’s these kids who seem to need my help. A path, I’m called, to help them find
‘cause they’re the ones who’ll decide our fate and right the wrongs we’ve left behind!
If success is defined by material wealth, then I am a soul of modest means.
But if touching lives is what it’s all about, then I’m glad I chose to work with teens.
